The following have changed my life. Completely.
1. Therapy for trauma- even though I’d gone I’d seen a psychologist-a good one- as well as a “real” psychiatrist for YEARS-that helped me manage my demons (not that I have them) enough to stay on this of the Golden Gate Bridge. But trauma therapy got me off the couch and out of the dungeon of my master bedroom-that I’d spent 70% of my day INSIDE OF.
2. Taking my medication (I would say “meds” but I hate that word-i
t’s what plenty of intelligent, stable and emotional healthy people real crazy people say.) Stopping lamictal- ruined my life for 1.5 years. (thank you HMO/university psychiatrist for that treatment.) Seriously, I couldn’t even leave my room-including playing with my children in the backyard–literally-leave the house (except for the few times I had to- to avoid embarrassment and risk exposing the shame of being unable to get off of the couch-to keep my bar license.) (there are other medications my withdrawal from caused real consequences in my life-but trauma therapy in an hour and then a day I couldn’t have even attempted – lived- totally last March ago and mostly only two months ago.
3. Surfacing- coming out of the fog that enveloped my life for so, so long. I realized that -since I’ve spent the majority of my time in the dungeon-it hadn’t occurred to how horrible the main floor was arranged. In November-the first month I had even stayed on the main floor longer than just getting food-I sold the dining room table & chairs, put up pictures etc. THIS THIS is a big deal. Not for OCD reasons, or caring what other people think-as my husband named me years go-I’m an aesthete. (for the record I didn’t even know that word existed-Mr. valedictorian husband introduced that word- to me-and helped me see that that wasn’t a bad thing -told me about myself.)
to be continued…..